Long before we affectionately knew him as the moron who dumped Gisele Bundchen, Leonardo DiCaprio was a snot-nosed vagabond on the hit show Growing Pains. Following his career, you’ll see that Leo quickly became a mega-star, sharing the screen with De Niro, Daniel Day-Lewis, and Bill Paxton. Okay, so maybe Paxton isn’t noteworthy, but I like Club Dread’s Coconut Pete and don’t really care what you think about it!
You’d certainly be hard-pressed to find something going on in Hollywood today that doesn’t have DiCaprio’s name attached to it. While most assume this is due to his great acting talent (get real!), or his heartthrob appeal (he looks like he’s 12!), it could very well be that Leo is a leech, firmly stuck to the teat of every big project in production and using his star capital to remain fastened.
So, what does a guy star in who literally has the movie world at his fingertips? Sweeney Todd! Oh, wait a minute. I got Leo confused with Johnny Depp. Well, judging by Leo’s newest, seemingly obscure role, one would wonder if he’s coming down with a case of Depp-itis, only starring in “artsy” and “character” pictures, instead of the balls-to-the-wall blockbuster releases. In DiCaprio’s newest picture, he’ll bravely delve into the world of online casinos. That’s right – I said online casinos!
Hooking up with the writers of Ocean’s Thirteen, the third in the series that finally helped Casey Afleck stand out from big brother Ben, Leo is working on an untitled project that deals with Internet gambling’s hub, Costa Rica. Details on this picture are very scarce to date, but that doesn’t stop the rumors from heating up. People want to know exactly what Leo will be doing. Good guy, bad guy, lowly gambler, twisted genius, what? What will you be doing, dude; why the secrecy?
If we’ve learned anything from Leo’s past films it’s that production takes a simple plot and turns it into a 140-minute snooze fest. If you like Leo’s movies, then this is probably great for you. But the rest of us have had to suffer through The Aviator, Blood Diamond, Body of Lies, and Revolutionary Road. Untitled, as we’re calling it, undoubtedly follows along these lines.
Here’s the best educated guess you’ll find online: Leo is a smart kid turned genius, graduating from an Ivy League university early, and developing casino software in order to strike it rich. He finds some hardcore Costa Ricans (not the same as Puerto Ricans) that lend him the startup capital. But Leo’s character, probably named Edward or something, figured out that he can siphon 3 cents of every dollar profit without his gangster-slash-investors finding out.
Within a few years, Leo (sorry: Edward) is a millionaire, living it up in the beautiful sundrenched Costa Rica, and finding that too much is never enough. Of course, he’ll bite off more than he can chew, and the investors find out he’s been dipping his nerd stick into the honey pot!
All holy hell will then break loose, with Leo having to flee the area, taking only a bit of his cash, and hiding in every rat hole he can to get away. He’ll find a love interest, probably Megan Fox or Eva Mendes, and she’ll be pulled into the pit of despair with him.
Leo isn’t going to make a comedy, so forget about that. Even Catch Me if You Can was a dramady. No matter what’s going on in this movie, you can be certain of a few things: It will run over 2 hours, there will be a corny love interest to make the mediocre action seem that much more intense, and it will be a run-of-the-mill movie for which Leo will receive far too much credit. But hey, at least they’re finally dealing with online gambling. It’s only been one of the world’s top earning industries for a decade now!
Sources: http://www.gamblingplanet.org/